In fortunate turn of events for a young girl named Molly, what would have been a life of rambling, drab analysis and sensational schlock-reporting was averted today when she was taken into protective custody from Wolf Blitzer who had raised her from birth.
Scientists now face the daunting task of re-educating this child with the hopes that she may one day be able to rejoin society. Fortunately for these brave scientists, young Molly was not first found by the "ravenous Rick Sanchez" under whom a deeper conditioning in meaningless reporting, stupidity, and faulty analysis would have been perhaps impossible to undue, although not nearly as unachievable as attempting to salvage any of the poor children unfortunate enough to have been raised by Geraldo Rivera, Glenn Beck, or Sean Hannity of which none, as of yet, have been de-programmed and remain in quarantine for the good of society.
See the full story here courtesy of our sister publication, The Onion News Network.
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